Some may never live, but the crazy never die

I’m a little sad. Tomorrow morning the 2016 Hunter S. Thompson Fear and Loathing 50 miler will kick off at 7 a.m. PST, and I will not be there.

It’s because I’m in New Jersey, the exact opposite edge of the country. There is no way I’ll make it in time.

It was a wild and crazy trip getting out here.

I left Klamath Falls, Oregon on Thanksgiving morning and hauled ass straight across the country to land in New Jersey late Sunday evening, four days later.

That’s one time zone per day.

Over 3,000 miles.

Just me and my dog, who started puking within the first hour. [He’s fine.]

My Thanksgiving dinner was doughy pizza and truckers speed. I downed it with gratitude.

Anyway, Fear and Loathing is a really small, fat ass race with only a couple dozen people registered, but I was looking forward to it. I adore HST and was stoked to get weird and run wild through the streets of San Francisco. It will also be my first DNS.

Mega ballz.

The whole experience of rushing across I-80 the way I did made me feel like I’ve been indulging in Hunter S. Thompson’s lifestyle for a week, so the first thing I decided to do when I got to my family’s house was start another round of the 21 Day Sugar Detox.

I’ve done the 21DSD once before, so knew what to expect. No sugar, bread, rice, booze, limited fruit, etc. for 21 days. I really like the plan and think it’s easy to follow with modifications for different levels of activity.

So when I went for a long run today, I brought along some sweet potatoes instead of my usual Honey Stinger Waffles.


And now, sweeties are my new favorite trail snack. They’re much cheaper than pre-packaged energy fuel, annnnnd I can share them with my dog!

Double score!


I’m not detoxing with the intention to lose weight, and think my diet was pretty decent before, (mostly because I was living with a kickass chef!) I really just felt like I needed a reset. A total body reset.

Shit has been cray. It’s not just the election, or the fact that my camper fell apart (although those things sucked).

It’s all falling apart, and all I can do is watch and listen. Sometimes, out of nowhere, I just start crying and don’t know why. It feels good, like I’m slowly letting go of a lot of past hurts I never acknowledged. All these feels I never knew I had, or pretended not to care about. They’re all slowly pushing their way to the surface.

Along with the sugar detox, I downloaded Terri Cole’s More Love Meditation Series. It’s a series of 21 guided meditations I listen to once per day, and they’re ahhhhhmazing!

I learned about it on Gala Darling’s Radical Self Love podcast, which I recommend listening to, because it inspired my last blog post!

I started my 21 day total mind/body/soul makeover on Tuesday to coincide with the new moon. The tarot card I pulled that day was…


Hmmm…Do you see a theme forming here?

One more… I had another fantastic session with my energy healer friend, Ray Dawn yesterday, and she drew this card for me:


Run crazy and love yourself, my friends!

The first day of the diet reminded me of how deeply nourishing food is, or should be. I’m eating lots of protein, and without the sweetness, I can savor every other flavor.

Fortunately, the tastiest non-sweet flavas come from healing plants, like garlic, ginger root, herbs and spices. It feels really good to spend time preparing healthy meals instead of grabbing something that’s been sitting on a shelf for god knows how long. It makes me appreciate food more.

And THAT is why I decided it was 100% okay for me to cheat on the detox last night, when I really wanted to enjoy a glass of red wine at a really nice dinner with my family.

I was like, fuck it, I’m going to eat, drink and be merry. No regrets. It fit into my daily carb allowance, anyway ;)

21 days of healthy food and lying on the floor, cultivating more love. So, after this is all over, I’m expecting to be an upgraded version of Lauren Steinheimer.

Version 3.314062

I know I’m not the only one with the crazy crying spells. I’m sharing all this because it’s helping me compost this crap in a way that feels healthy. Please take the info and run with it, if you so desire!

In an attempt to tie this all together, here’s another good HST quote:

“Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.”




3 thoughts on “Some may never live, but the crazy never die

  1. I like the ‘eat,drink and be merry bit…’ as the end of the quote is ‘…for tomorrow, we may die.’ (or something like that!)
    This year I’ve been surrounded by death. Of family and friends and my beloved old black cat. The upshot of it all, now I’ve had a couple of weeks without someone I know dying (I shit you not) is this – we are surrounded by death at each moment, from our inception until our demise. It’s like a shadow. No, more like a silent travelling companion. You won’t get to know this intriguing companion until the end, but being aware that you have one makes a whole lot of difference to the way you travel through this world.
    I’ve made a conscious choice to really appreciate everything in my life – and to fight back against anything that wants to degrade my perception. A perception that life is beautiful and precious.
    So, I’ll raise a glass to you – although for me, it’ll be filled with water as I’m bored with alcohol- and toast your life.
    Happy travelling.

    1. Cheers! Yes, I also try to always remember that I never know when I might die, never know when I’ll never see someone again. It’s good to keep from taking the magic for granted 🙏

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